HUGE thanks to Kyle (@) for submitting this post to us! <3 you Kyle!
I am SO EXCITED to be here for the next twenty-something weeks with all of you. I will be writing recaps for the crown jewel (and my personal favorite!) of the Real Housewives franchise, The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. I hope you’ll return week after week to read my take on the happenings of America’s most famous zip code. I hope you enjoy this wild adventure that we’re about to embark on as much as I know I will. I am a week late to the game, and in the midst of finals, so I only had the chance to recap the second episode below. Happy reading!
Episode 2: Of Diamonds, Disease, and Tuscany!
After a fairly typical (if not somewhat boring) season opener of getting reacquainted with each of the ‘Wives, the second episode of the season slowly picks up the pace. We’re made aware of this season’s over-arching themes which unsurprisingly include a display of great wealth, struggles with health, and of course: ever-building drama.
The episode opens with scenes at Kyle Richards‘ and Lisa Vanderpump’s houses, respectfully. Kyle is speaking to Mauricio (the sexiest of ALL of the househusbands…) about their upcoming European vacation. Kyle explains that they will be traveling down the French Riviera on a yacht before docking in Italy to spend time in Florence and Tuscany with Lisa and Ken. They’ll cap off the trip by attending Nicky Hilton’s wedding, an extravagant affair to be held at none other than Kensington Palace. At Villa Rosa, Lisa and Ken are preparing for their trip to Italy in one of my favorite types of scenes on Housewives: the packing scene. We see Lisa pull out a pastel pink frock-type jacket that is horribly unfit for the warm Tuscan heat and ask Ken his opinion on it. Ken couldn’t seem less interested to be here in the closet, as evidenced by the fact that he says the pink garment would be great. I don’t know what it is about Ken, but he’s becoming a bit of a diva this season, especially when Lisa mentions that she’s going to take a gown to Italy for Kyle to wear to the wedding. First he insults her size, and then her sense of style, asking Lisa “Haven’t you got a muumuu? She loves those.” While I find him a bit distasteful this season, this comment did launch one of the greatest shady editing montages that I’ve ever seen on this show: about a million clips of Kyle in various kaftans and muumuus. It made me laugh and straight up gave me life. These producers are geniuses.
Next up is an update from Lisa Rinna, who’s showing off her earrings to her kids and their friends. This gives birth to my favorite Rinna-isms yet, where she calls them her “BIG FAT FUCKING DIAMONDS” and later clarifies that they are “simple BFFDs.” I love this woman. She has zero shame at all, and there’s something so authentic about her. She honestly gives me “cool mom” vibes, like Amy Poehler in Mean Girls… and not even in an ironic way. But the way she 110% owns up to it is so refreshing for reality TV. Rinna is her complete, authentic self, and the next part of this scene shows the true beauty in this. She makes a call to her parents which she admits is something that she doesn’t do enough. We hear stories of how her dad was in the hospital twice in the last week, but instead of it being a sad moment, her and her mother have almost a funny banter about it in which her mom says “Oh he was just having trouble with his urine, you know the nurse stuck this long rope thing in his penis” and they both just laughed about it. She explains that she was raised to “not wallow in her feelings and to always enjoy the world around her.” Lisa has a very optimistic, light hearted demeanor towards her aging parents. She acknowledges that they’re nearing the end of their circle of life and she accepts that, cherishing each day that they’re here and not getting bogged down worrying about what could happen in the future. She takes something that can be so painful and is able to look at how funny it all can be in the grand scheme of things. This is something that I find absolutely admirable about her, and I found this to really be such a great scene that truly encapsulated what a great person she is.
We end up back with Kyle, who places a phone call to “Lisa Todd” as she drives her beautiful Range Rover to god knows where. Kyle breaks the news to Lisa that she will no longer be needing a dress as she was “told it would be better if I didn’t come to the wedding.” Kyle, who looks very distraught and upset in her interviews, explains that the family dynamics between her sister and herself are very bad at the moment. Before hanging up, LVP reminds Kyle that “these are decisions that last a lifetime.” I’m very sympathetic towards Kyle, because it seems like Kathy and Kim are kind of in one corner and Kyle doesn’t even get a chance to explain her feelings to them. It’s a rough situation to be, and I give her major props for being able to even hold herself together. She’s had a rough year dealing with Kim’s manipulative behavior associated with her addiction struggles, and it would be unfair to not give her the credit she deserves here.
On an equally gloomy note, we catch up with Eileen and Vince who are headed to see Dick Van Patten’s star on the Palm Springs Walk of Fame (where the shady editors also remind us of Lisa Vanderpump’s star). Eileen mentions that her family had never really had to deal with death, but they had been hit pretty hard within the last year. She goes on to tearfully explain that her sister Connie had been battling breast cancer essentially by herself, and didn’t let anyone know that she was terminal. Eileen got a call from Connie’s doctor, who said she was in a coma and that she needed to come to the hospital immediately. Within a matter of eighteen hours, Connie had passed away in Eileen’s arms. I honestly could barely hold it together at this point, and started tearing up quite a bit myself. It’s been nice to see a much more open Eileen, showing such raw and powerful emotion. I really felt connected to her there, and I’m sure that much of the audience felt the same way. When they finally get to Dick’s star, Vince tries to keep Eileen from crying by saying that his father wouldn’t want them to be sad, and that since he’s gone that they should be inspired to live a bigger and better life… to seize the day whenever possible. It was a great message that they were able to convey in a time of such personal loss and sadness.
Changing pace a bit, we’re taken to a lunch with the two Lisas. Lisa Vanderpump talks about how Ken’s 70th birthday is fast approaching and she is trying to figure out the perfect gift for a man that already has everything. She thinks that since he loves his dogs and horses, that a mini horse would be the perfect present. In a perfect interview moment, LVP confesses “at 70, I had already planned to give him the hoof, so why not give him four?” I DIED. She’s definitely still got the funny. Rinna laughs and loves the idea, which is good, because LVP wants her to accompany her all the way to Ohio to get the horse. I love a housewives roadtrip and am looking forward to that next week!
Next we meet Yolanda Foster, and her “chronic illness counselor” Daisy at the dentist’s office. Now, Daisy is weirdly giving me flashbacks to Lenka, Brooks’ wellness counselor, from Orange County. It may be the blonde hair. It may be the similar title. It may be the binder of medical information. Something about her certainly seems shady. Yolanda seems to think that her fillings and crowns are causing her high heavy metal numbers, and as she explains this to the oral surgeon, she begins to get very emotional. I cannot imagine what it would be like to be so desperate to feel better that you would do something as crazy as this. DISCLAIMER: I know that YOYO is sick. That is very clear. However, I’m not sure that she’s getting the best medical advice if she think’s it’s chronic Lyme. Chronic Lyme is not something that has a lot of evidence behind it, despite research. What many doctors call chronic Lyme are actually just a set of symptoms that persist after the initial antibiotic treatment, and according to the CDC, these never last more than a few months. Yolanda has been fighting this battle for three years. I don’t know if it’s the doctors doing the misleading or if it is her own research, but something other than chronic (or neurological) Lyme is at play here (to me it seems like an autoimmune disorder), and I desperately hope that she finds out what it is. In the meantime, I cannot believe the ridiculous treatments that she is subjecting herself to, and from the looks of it, neither can her oral surgeon. This is most likely due to the fact that the oral surgeon herself knows that the metals used in any crown or filling is not going to drastically change the amount of any specific heavy metal detected in the body. This is a very routine procedure, yet Yo seems so nervous and emotional that I can barely wrap my head around it. As David comes in to be with her during the surgery, the first words out of his mouth are “I fucking hate this…” so yay for supportive husbands. Yolanda thinks she’s choking when it’s really just the feeling of anesthetic in her throat (which is something you think she’d be used to by know considering all of the non-FDA approved treatments she’s been doing all over the world). Before surgery begins, she mumbles “I don’t feel well” to David, who responds with “I can’t understand you, but I’m sure you said I love you.” Now if the news of their divorce didn’t break prior to this season airing, I’m not sure that this particular statement would have rubbed me the wrong way. But knowing what I know now, it’s almost dismissive to Yolanda, like he’s saying “all you ever say is I love you.” which is just so rude in my opinion. Some other gems that came out of his mouth tonight were to the oral surgeon when he said “this probably means no sex for 48 hours” and a nice sarcastic “Thrilled” in response to Yolanda asking “Aren’t you happy you married me?” As much as I’m not enjoying Yolanda push her Lyme (that clearly isn’t lyme) agenda, I’m really not enjoying how much of an asshole I’m expecting David to be now that we know how this all ends up. I know I’ll be paying more attention to their every interaction, even though I’m not a big fan of either. GOOD RIDDANCE TO THAT.
I’m all for a different storyline by this point, so it’s a welcome change when we start seeing beautiful images of Kyle’s vacation. We get VACATION PORN. FOOD PORN. AND YACHT PORN. Seriously I think this might be the most gorgeous location that this show has ever shot in. The yacht is 10 times nicer than any of the ones featured on Below Deck, and the vineyards and fields featured in the shots are just breathtaking. Kyle once again recaps where the boat had taken them and explains that the boat docked somewhere that sounds like “La Pizza” to her. LOL.
Ken and Lisa then arrive in Italy, and Lisa makes a comment about how she absolutely adores the Amalfi Coast, unlike some of the other women in the group… Cue another shady editor flashback to Yolanda saying that she’s not a fan of the Amalfi Coast, and that it’s boring. Everyone is off to the villa: Kyle and kids in a large white van, Lisa and Ken in a Chevy Cobalt, and Mauricio and Alexia in a gorgeous red Ferrari. We’re treated to more Italian Countryside porn before Kyle finally arrives first at the villa, which is of course, absolutely breathtaking. When Lisa pulls up, she shouts out “you better have a drink for me, Richards!” and when a butler brings her rosé the shady editors cut to her saying “I don’t care if she wears a muumuu, she’s got a butler and rosé.” Later on, LVP and Kyle take the Ferrari out for a spin, where Kyle subtly drops that she used to steal Kim’s car when she was 16. YOU STOLE HER GODDAMN CAR! Really, Kyle? Come on. They drive through the countryside at what is quite possibly the slowest possible speed that one can drive a Ferrari. In any event, it was a pretty funny scene, and it’s nice to see the two of them getting along again.
Back at Yolanda’s, Rinna and Eileen pay her a visit to see what her day to day life is like. They get to see her medicine closet, which has to have hundreds of medications and supplements in it. THIS CANNOT BE GOOD FOR ANYONE. OF COURSE YOU FEEL LIKE SHIT IF YOU ARE TAKING ALL OF THIS ALL THE TIME. I feel bad for her, because you can tell that she wants to get better, but I think that she may be doing more harm to her body. It needs a rest from all of that poison once in awhile. They make some small talk, have a chat about colonics (this is seriously a housewife’s favorite topic, I’m convinced.), and then the visit seemingly ends. A quote that really got me thinking was from Rinna in one of her interviews, where she sees that Yolanda is “a vibrant young woman who is not able to live her life.” I feel like this is Rinna being incredibly intuitive… it’s almost as if she notes that in addition to her sickness, there’s something going on emotionally that she can’t put her finger on.
For the last scene of the episode, we’re taken back to Tuscany, where Kyle and Lisa are discussing Yolanda’s health and how she had all of that dental work done. Interestingly, Kyle said she asked her doctor about this at one time, and he said that removing the crowns or filling would actually cause disruption that would make things worse, and it’s better to just leave them in. Both of them make very interesting points. Lisa says that she thinks Yolanda is scared that it is no longer Lyme… that it was Lyme at one point, but now it has transformed into something else. This is similar to my own thoughts on the situation. Kyle brings up a personal story of depression after her mother died, where she was in so much physical pain that she thought she was dying. Doctors told her it was arthritis, allergies, and Epstein-Barr before she discovered that they were physical symptoms of depression. Lisa disagrees, as she remarks “…she doesn’t have a stressful life, it’s not like she suffered a great big loss!” But as we all know now, she was most likely dealing with some inner turmoil related to David. As things move to dinner, an awkward conversation ensues where Kyle says that she is once again attending the wedding, but two of her daughters and Mauricio weren’t invited. Lisa tries to get Kyle to understand that her sisters are manipulating her, and that she gets so invested in their relationship that she allows it to devastate her. Upon first watch, it was rather cringe-worthy since it was happening in front of the entire family (which Alexia dramatically shut down), but as I watched it a second time, it really seemed to be coming from a loving place. We have to remember that Lisa knows more about the situation than all of us… which she alludes to when she mentions the dynamics between Mauricio and Rick as well as with Kathy and Kim v.s. Kyle. She’s seen Kyle manipulated by Kim and her addiction and Kathy’s hush-hush agenda for six years now, and I think Lisa really just wants to see her friend break the cycle and be happy. Kyle doesn’t respond well, but sometimes the truth hurts to hear, I guess.
So that concludes a second, pretty boring episode of BH. But next week looks pretty fun! Camille and Taylor return for Ken’s birthday! We finally get to meet Erika! Kim Richards escapes rehab and we get to see Eileen and Rinna have a pretty intense conversation with Kyle! Ken gets pushed in the pool! Seems like the drama ball will finally start rolling downhill instead of uphill! Below I’ll post my arbitrary awards for this episode! I hope you enjoyed reading this! Please sound off in the comments with your own opinions of the episode! Alternatively, you could always visit our new Bravo forum and join in on the discussion there.!
BEST INTERVIEW LOOK: Eileen’s gold ensemble! She finally got a stylist this season!
FUNNIEST MOMENT: The Lisas when LVP said that the mini horse would have to sleep in between HH and Rinna in bed.